From Mustache Wax to Salary Scams: How Far Should Teams Go to Placate Players?

Professional sports can be weird. In no other industry are billions of dollars dependent upon people who run around in shorts, guys who are not only permitted but encouraged to hit each other, and co-workers who shower together after a day’s work.

Because so much money is at stake, it makes sense for teams to do things to increase their chances of winning. Generally, this means doling out massive sums to encourage people to don their jerseys. I say “generally” because some teams are owned by people who, if you called them skinflints, would probably think you meant it as a term of endearment. I won’t name names, but fans in Pittsburgh and Oakland know who I’m talking about.

While money is usually a pretty great incentive, it’s not always enough to get guys to sign on the dotted line – or to keep them happy so they don’t sign on somebody else’s dotted line. Sometimes players need something a little extra. Hall of Famer Rollie Fingers, for example, had a clause in his contract giving him $100 for the purchase of mustache wax to keep his iconic ‘stache in pristine condition. Another pitcher, Charlie Kerfeld, once asked for (and received) 37 boxes of orange Jell-O.

Small concessions like these are amusing and inconsequential, but in some cases, they can have a dramatic and long-term impact. One of the most recent examples of an organization bending over backwards for a player involves the Milwaukee Bucks and their star Giannis Antetokounmpo.

It’s no big secret that the Bucks are eager (some would say “desperate”) to hold onto their best player since Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and they’ve taken some drastic measures to keep him content. First, they made a big move to bring in Damian Lillard. When that pairing didn’t work, they ditched him. Many have said that, due to the monetary acrobatics involved in the ditching, the organization has financially hamstrung itself for years to come.

Now they’ve added several new players in hopes that Giannis will be surrounded by enough talent for the team to contend again. Among them are a couple of very familiar names, and guys the Greek Freak knows intimately: two of his brothers.

Giannis’ older brother Thanasis has actually been on Milwaukee for years, and the team – apparently impressed with the 1 point and 0.5 rebound he averaged in his last season – recently gave him a new contract. They also decided to raise that by signing Alex, the youngest of the Antetokounmpo brothers, to a two-way contract, though he’s never made it past the G League.

While there’s a chance that the Bucks see something in these Grecian Siblings (that doesn’t really roll off the tongue like the other moniker, does it?), it’s impossible not to think that they’re only around for the sake of Giannis. Or, since he has two other brothers, perhaps the team ultimately envisions an all-Antetokounmpo starting lineup.

Maybe there’s no real harm in sticking a couple of brothers at the end of the bench to appease your superstar. But, there are consequences. NBA rosters are small, and because of the limited space, this means that when one guy gets signed, another probably has to be let go, and that’s exactly what happened. And this is certainly not the only nepotism situation we’ve seen recently in the NBA, as Papa Lebron made it crystal-clear that he wanted to play with junior, which is why the Lakers drafted Bronny. And, what do you know? Another son could be in the league as soon as next year.

Teams play with fire when they let players make roster or coaching decisions, just ask the New York Jets. When Aaron Rodgers came to town, it didn’t take him long to start dictating personnel, and several of his former Green Bay Packer teammates were brought in. He also insisted that offensive coordinator Nathaniel Hackett be added to the coaching staff despite the fact that he was, well, pretty terrible at his job. The Jets were 12-22 during Rodgers’ tenure, 5-13 when he was under center.

Then there’s Kawhi Leonard. The Los Angeles Clippers haven’t just bent over backwards to get and retain him, they’ve tied themselves up into a pretzel. First, he made it pretty plain that he would only sign with the team in 2019 if they also acquired Paul George. At the time, George was under contract with the OKC Thunder, so this wasn’t just a matter of signing him; they had to trade for him. They sent a king’s ransom to the Thunder, including Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, who, at minimum, is the second or third best player in the NBA right now.

That’s just the (sort of) above-board stuff. There’s of course the ongoing controversy of how the Clippers may have circumvented salary cap restrictions by essentially paying Leonard under the table to boost his salary so he wouldn’t look for a bigger contract elsewhere. And all of this for a guy who’s appeared in only about half of the games the Clippers have played over the last six years.

Until the day comes when human athletes are replaced by robots, (and it may be here sooner than you think), teams will need to convince players to come play for them. And it’s clear that as long as somebody has superstar status, they have the ability to hold a franchise hostage for way more than mustache wax. At a certain point, however, teams are going to have to decide if they are prepared to deal with the fallout when an ask crosses the line into a demand – or even a threat.